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AOC Calls For Recount Of 57-0 Rejection Of Green New Deal [Satire]

Communist cutie-pie and intellectual fistful of rocks Alexandria Occasional Cortex is absolutely livid that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel called a vote on her Green New Deal.

Pounding her shoe on the table until the high heel snapped off and hit her in the forehead, the curvaceous dimwit and sworn enemy of Crash Bandicoot said, “With death hanging over the whole world like something really bad hanging over something very big, the Republicans are making a mockery of this terrible crisis by interrupting our virtue signaling in a blatant attempt to force us to take action. Even as we speak, factories are spewing iPhones and Macaroni and Cheese boxes into the atmosphere at record rates, and, between December and August alone, the average temperature rose almost forty degrees. If this trend continues, by the time December rolls around again, by my calculation it will be almost a hundred and twenty degrees every single day unless some amazing miracle occurs to make the temperature go down again like it did last year.”

In a 57 to zero vote, three Democrats joined Republicans in voting against the proposal, thirty-three Democrats voted present, nine Democrats weren’t sure they were present and wanted to see the polls first, and Bernie Sanders voted to “have Mitch McConnel shipped to the gulags and worked to death like we used to do in the old days.”

Meanwhile, a furious AOC demanded a recount saying 57 to nothing was much too close to call. She told reporters, “With unemployment rates so low because people are dying from the water in Flint, Michigan, and the stock market rising because everyone is trying to sell off before the end of the world, we must all stop having children to insure a better future.”

Voters in Dr. Cortex’s district said her statement was indicative of her complex intellectual vision or her use of black market hallucinogens, and either way they would reelect her because they could use the laughs.

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